WWW: - you start really well and set the argument out effectively however you don't maintain it.
EBI: - Theories are a problem you mention several but many are incorrectly explained.
- Footnotes/references: only 1 quotes will limit the grade you can get and some of your quotes are not reference. Both issues need sorting.
- You lose focus towards the end of both the issue an question.
Level/grade that I am aiming for in my second draft is a level 3.
5 things that will help me achieve this.....
- By adding another 15 Footnotes to my essay as this will put me into a level 3.
- Fully reference all my footnotes and checking them for spelling mistakes.
- Towards the end of my essay I lose focus so therefore i will be making some big changes in my last paragraphs.
- correct punctuations and grammer
- The theories I used were not fully explained so therefore i will be making sure that on my second draft I correctly use my theories and add more details like defining what the theory is in general and the names of theorist.
In this trip one I would like to have
- collected 5 new footnotes for my essay and this could be covering any theories issues and debates.
- I Also want to take away from the BFI particular in feminism and reality TV genre
- More on audience theory - Cultivation Theory